wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Even my vagina gasped.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize