I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
