??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
