I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
