you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize