Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Randomize
