my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
