im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
