I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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