I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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