Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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