I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
