Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
