I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
