I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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