In the future we'll all be gay
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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