u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Randomize
