Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
