I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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