Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
