Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
