It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
