You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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