Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
