All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize