so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
