Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
