I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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