an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
