just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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