Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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