i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
