your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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