I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
