I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
