i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
