There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
