dude i'm inner monologue high
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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