My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
