Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
