His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
