My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
