Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize