A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
