He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
