I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
