Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
