I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
