she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
