I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
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