Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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