Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
