So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
