I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
