don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You are a genius and a whore.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
