I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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