well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
