so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
