Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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