Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Michael Bay diarrhea
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
