Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
