i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
