Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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