Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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