Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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